Dec. 31, 2003 - The Official Last Entry of 2003! New and Improved! Now With Oxygen!
Dec. 30, 2003 - Depression, Feudalism and Drinkin'!
Dec. 25, 2003 - That's right, I have absolutely nothing to say! Um, about the holiday, that is...
Dec. 21, 2003 - This goes out to all you Canadians in the crowd!
Dec. 20, 2003 - You may choose one of these three links, or go for what's directly below them! Another entry about gaming!
Dec. 17, 2003 - I know I'm a gaming geek. You know I'm a gaming geek. Is there anyone who doesn't know this?
Dec. 16, 2003 - I honestly didn't know I was this unbalanced...
Dec. 14, 2003 - Is it possible to slip someone Prozac without their knowing about it? If so, this is what's happened to me.
Dec. 13, 2003 - If I keep going to the dentist, eventually I'll know enough to become a dentist. I think I'll be a singing dentist. But not an evil, sadistic one. More like a Disney dentist.
Dec. 09, 2003 - The ground is white. The sky is white. There are little white flakes in the air. Must be winter.
Dec. 08, 2003 - Music for Mental Patients Wraps it Up with Comedy!
Dec. 07, 2003 - They came to us through the criminal justice system, and we turned them into singers. Ain't they sweet?
Dec. 06, 2003 - Whether you love them or hate them, please clap loudly. Thank you.
Dec. 05, 2003 - Sure we're a day late, but we've got a song prepared! If we can wake up the pianist...
Dec. 03, 2003 - Music for Mental Patients presents, our very special guest artists, the Angsty Depressives!
Dec. 02, 2003 - Second verse, same as the first! Well, not really. But it's funny.
Dec. 01, 2003 - Somehow, the crazy people have managed to get a week of air time. I still think there were weapons involved. At any rate, they now bring you the very first Music for Mental Patients Journal Event Special Miniseries Extravaganza!
Nov. 29, 2003 - Music for Mental Patients Upcoming Concert Schedule
Nov. 25, 2003 - I feel like biting somebody, but even that would probably cause more problems.
Nov. 24, 2003 - There's always the fear that the next appointment will be with Steve Martin, and I'll come out with some kind of wire device protruding from my skull.
Nov. 22, 2003 - Oh Lord, what next? It should've been fun.
Nov. 19, 2003 - From the dentist to the battleground in one day. Man, my life is weird.
Nov. 16, 2003 - 47 Frooglepoopillion Words or Less
Nov. 12, 2003 - Not nearly as much drool as you may think. I'm too dry to drool.
Nov. 09, 2003 - The bees are much smarter than the flies. They can spell PENIS.
Nov. 08, 2003 - Josh, Joan...and Pop Tarts.
Nov. 07, 2003 - The race is long, and in the end, it's only with Michael Jackson.
Nov. 06, 2003 - Two Steve Martin comedy routines that will now leave me alone to sleep in peace. I hope.
Nov. 05, 2003 - From sad and slightly philosophical, to pissed and bitching about it, to speculation about a movie I haven't even seen. Man, I'm good. And confused, too.
Nov. 03, 2003 - Wow, she'd better get some sleep soon, or we might have to read another one of these. I hope there's some way to protect against these entries.
Oct. 31, 2003 - When I Am An Old Vampire, I Shall Wear Neon Pink...
Oct. 30, 2003 - Gum massages: the next big idea at health spas!
Oct. 29, 2003 - Malkav on Movies Presents: What the FUCK was that?
Oct. 27, 2003 - Amen Brothers and Sisters!
Oct. 25, 2003 - My mind holds information like a bucket holds water. That is, a bucket made out of chickenwire.
Oct. 24, 2003 - This entry has been brought to you by severe paranoia. And Microsoft.
Oct. 23, 2003 - You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose. Oh wait, I guess you can...
Oct. 22, 2003 - "Encore! Encore!" (holds lit Zippo aloft) "Play Aqualung!"
Oct. 21, 2003 - What Would Jesus Build?
Oct. 19, 2003 - I wonder what Lister would've thought of the Underpants Gnomes...
Oct. 17, 2003 - You know what they taught you about not talking to strangers? Well...um...
Oct. 15, 2003 - Yes, it IS another entry about gaming. Yes, there is a way out. Just follow the link at the top of the entry. Don't be afraid.
Oct. 14, 2003 - Stories that will make you shudder with trepidation. And remember, I am not making this up. Any of it. I couldn't write fiction stranger than this stuff.
Oct. 13, 2003 - Smeghead
Oct. 12, 2003 - You know, I knew I'd eventually have to kill George W. Bush. I just didn't know it would be this soon.
Oct. 09, 2003 - Music for Mental Patients: Special Episode for Good Behavior! (What, we're punishing good behavior now?)
Oct. 08, 2003 - Umm...never mind all those warnings. Music For Mental Patients instead. And there was much rejoicing.
Oct. 07, 2003 - This is the entry that isn't about anything. Kinda like "Seinfeld" only without the highly annoying characters.
Oct. 04, 2003 - Hello and welcome back to Malkav On Movies. Tonight, a very special episode: Malkav Reviews the Classics!
Oct. 02, 2003 - Please do not attempt to confuse the Jester. She is confused enough as it is.
Sept. 29, 2003 - I believe the word you're looking for is "SHEESH!"
Sept. 26, 2003 - Music For Mental Patients Presents: Oh my god, how in the world did he do that?!?!
Sept. 25, 2003 - "Man, this is hard!" "Yeah. Let's give up."
Sept. 23, 2003 - What a senseless waste of human life...the entry, I mean...
Sept. 22, 2003 - Don't bother looking for a point. I'm sick. There is no point. The Universe makes no sense. Nothing is real anymore.
Sept. 20, 2003 - Talk about your weird coincidences! No, really, talk about them. What were they like?
Sept. 18, 2003 - It's pointless again. And you know what? I don't care.
Sept. 16, 2003 - Warning: The following entry contains the phrase "Nasal drainage" and the word "Phlegm." And Bill and Ted.
Sept. 12, 2003 - Are you Jimmy Ray?
Sept. 11, 2003 - If you read this, you'll probably wish I was dead too.
Sept. 08, 2003 - Does Webshots need an enema or something?
Sept. 08, 2003 - Why aren't there any old holiday shanties?
Sept. 07, 2003 - What is the sound of one head smashing through a computer screen?
Sept. 04, 2003 - You've heard of "Theatre in the Round", right? Well, I'd like to officially welcome you all to the next step in dramatic evolution: Theatre in the Trapezoid!
Sept. 03, 2003 - Comedy Convention at the Sporting Goods Store!
Aug. 26, 2003 - Wow, I almost forgot what my room looks like in daylight. Much the same as at night. Only with this pesky sunlight thing happening.
Aug. 23, 2003 - A bear with an afro?! Good thing this is a cartoon, or it would be totally unrealistic!
Aug. 21, 2003 - If you've been disturbed, sickened, offended, put off, or inconvenienced in any way by any of the songs I've posted, please send hate mail to the following sources...
Aug. 19, 2003 - Malkav the Jester: Adult Supervision Required At All Times
Aug. 18, 2003 - Burning Down The House! (Almost...)
Aug. 15, 2003 - And now, Music For Mental Patients presents: Song Lyrics That Will Make You Sick!
Aug. 10, 2003 - WARNING! WARNING! DANGER WILL ROBINSON! GROSS ENTRY AHEAD!
Aug. 07, 2003 - Hm. It's long...It's pointless...Why, it must be another journal entry! Where are the song lyrics already?
Aug. 02, 2003 - Another longish entry from the cockles of my heart. Gee, it's getting kinda dark here, in the cockles...someone let me out...please?
Jul. 30, 2003 - There is a point, but you may think it's silly. Or that I need serious help. I may need help, but this isn't the reason.
Jul. 27, 2003 - Commemorating a milestone in the life of another journalist
Jul. 25, 2003 - I'll bet none of the Brady kids would write an entry this long...sheesh...
Jul. 18, 2003 - A longish entry, but there seems to be an actual point in there somewhere. If you can find it, let me know. I wonder where I put it?
Jul. 18, 2003 - If you don't like bad words, what the fuck are you doing reading my journal?
Jul. 18, 2003 - My mind has wandered from the flock you see/And the flock has wandered away from me...
Jul. 13, 2003 - Just click the links and no one gets hurt, see?
Jul. 12, 2003 - Some things just defy any sense of right or wrong...
Jul. 11, 2003 - Okay, so...exactly how many people have peed in this fountain in the past three weeks?
Jul. 10, 2003 - Maybe that exploratory brain removal surgery wasn't such a bad idea after all...
Jul. 07, 2003 - All We are Saying, is Give Crap a Chance!
Jul. 03, 2003 - Superglue my ASS! Uh...wait a minute...that didn't come out right...
Jul. 01, 2003 - And here we have a classic example of...uh...something bizarre and a bit frightening...
Jun. 30, 2003 - And now for this musical interlude. Please don't call the authorities.
Jun. 29, 2003 - Although this entry may make people think I'm insane, I sincerely hope nobody has me committed for it...
Jun. 27, 2003 - Oh John K., Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?
Jun. 23, 2003 - The Perils of Penelope (Not Really)
Jun. 17, 2003 - Just a few random thingies to fill some space on the ol' diary...
Jun. 16, 2003 - Four Days of Dog Ownership
Jun. 12, 2003 - I seem to remember promising you song lyrics. Well, here they are.
Jun. 11, 2003 - Introducing yet another semi-irregular feature...I guess...say hello to Malkav on Movies!
Jun. 09, 2003 - Aw crap, another one of these emotional entries. Come on, let's get drunk instead!
Jun. 01, 2003 - Bruises everywhere...hurt knee...legs aching...oh what fun we have!
May. 21, 2003 - What a senseless waste of human life. The entry, I mean.
May. 19, 2003 - X-Men 2: X-Men United In An Attempt To Make Me Pay Five Bucks To See Them Again
May. 12, 2003 - Wow. Usually these real long ones are depressing, but this one did not make me want to kill myself at all. I had to pee halfway through, but that's about it.
May. 10, 2003 - In Which the Jester turns 27 and doesn't seem to have as much of a problem with it as she normally would...
May. 09, 2003 - Come On, Get Happy! Okay, get a little less happy than that, please.
May. 08, 2003 - Let There Be Light! Uh...please? Someone? Anyone? Which room am I in?
May. 05, 2003 - I wish I was as cool as Shaggy...
May. 02, 2003 - Proof that Sleep Deprivation Causes Insanity
May. 01, 2003 - Before you finish reading this, you'll be wishing for an early death. However, the next Ice Age will have started, so it probably won't make much difference.
Apr. 29, 2003 - Someone should tell Sam his club sucks.
Apr. 26, 2003 - This one is bound to be a big hit...pfeh...
Apr. 23, 2003 - Tonight's Screaming Rampage is Brought to You by Yahoo! Your Home on the Net, When You Just Want to Have a Heart Attack.
Apr. 23, 2003 - And this time I mean it!
Apr. 21, 2003 - And the Pope is the biggest joker of them all. How else would you explain the hat? You know what he's got under that hat, don't you? That's right - a monkey with a can of silly string. What a card!
Apr. 16, 2003 - Warning: The Jester is, after all, a gamer. Or perhaps "gaming geek" would be a better term. You'll have to make that call for yourself.
Apr. 14, 2003 - You think YOU know fear?
Apr. 12, 2003 - Um...okay...I guess...
Apr. 07, 2003 - I really didn't expect to get into a political rant, but I did there, toward the end. Just read all the way down, and check out the links at the bottom, and no one gets hurt.
Apr. 04, 2003 - So much for that whole Free Country thing. Nice while it lasted, but not really practical, was it?
Apr. 02, 2003 - The legend returns. Also, the legend plans her future as a bra-burning hippie peacenik, with less bra-burning than she would like.
Mar. 31, 2003 - Friends Don't Let Friends Ride and Play Guitar and Sing Songs Written in Fiery Letters on Clouds
Mar. 30, 2003 - An Experience I'm Glad I Got to Have
Mar. 29, 2003 - You'll never take me alive, see? You got no case, Copper! I didn't do nuthin, see? Yeah, see?
Mar. 28, 2003 - In Which the Jester Becomes a Hardened Criminal
Mar. 27, 2003 - More in the same line of thought as the last entry. I'm not sure if this counts as depressing or not...
Mar. 26, 2003 - I guess I should've expected this, but somehow, I didn't.
Mar. 23, 2003 - Why yes, I am a gaming geek. I thought everyone knew that by now.
Mar. 15, 2003 - In Which the Jester Forgets Her Name
Mar. 13, 2003 - Messed-Up People News Presents: Messed-Up Links!
Mar. 12, 2003 - Stupid Hollywood, ruin everything...grumble...
Mar. 08, 2003 - Malkav the Jester's Pet Peeves Goes to Washington and Bulldozes the Shrub
Mar. 07, 2003 - More song lyrics, as I can't think of anything else to post.
Mar. 04, 2003 - How the Jester Spent a Good Deal of Her Childhood
Feb. 23, 2003 - It's storytime for all the little Booty Moths out there!
Feb. 22, 2003 - This is probably the last toaster entry for a while, so enjoy it while you can.
Feb. 21, 2003 - Alas, poor Toaster. I knew him, Horatio...
Feb. 20, 2003 - Of Potpourri and Toasters. And Scrubby Sponges.
Feb. 16, 2003 - I could show you my favorite...obsession...
Feb. 12, 2003 - Finally, the long-awaited song lyrics!
Feb. 10, 2003 - Malkav the Jester's Science Lesson of the Day! Today's Featured Science: Biology
Feb. 09, 2003 - I Wish I Were a Malkav The Jester's Pet Peeves Weiner.
Feb. 07, 2003 - How I Had Sex With a Chinchilla
Feb. 06, 2003 - You Too Can Have A Burning Anus Like Mine.
Jan. 31, 2003 - Colorful and Weird
Jan. 30, 2003 - Why yes, I am insane. Any other questions?
Jan. 23, 2003 - Some about depression, and a whole bunch of random crap nobody cares about...
Jan. 10, 2003 - Uh...what was I going to say?
Jan. 07, 2003 - Wouldn't You Like To Be A Super Hero Too?
Jan. 04, 2003 - Sequels are Mother Nature's way of saying "Get Outside More!"