Jan. 23, 2005 - 7:58 a.m.

Tonight (or rather, this morning) I would like to talk about religion. I'm Pagan, as my regular readers will probably know. I've been trying to make it to some of the open circles held by an organization here in Unibrow, called the Order of the Red Grail. Currently I can't find the link to their website, but the Unibrow Red Grail does have one. They also have a Yahoo Group, which I subscribe to.

Red Grail is a teaching coven run by a guy named Jason. He's the High Priest, and his ex-wife is the High Priestess. They're nice folks, and I've been to a couple of their open circles so far. I like the people I've met at the circles, and I haven't had a problem with any of them yet. Just a bunch of nice folks.

Jason taught the class on Chaos Magick I went to last year, in the fall. I loved that class, and that's when I asked him about Red Grail, and how they were doing. I'd heard a lot about the group in my time as a member of the local Pagan community. Since I had never been to any of their meetings or events, I didn't know anything firsthand. All I knew was what I heard from other Pagans. And of course, most of them said that Red Grail was very heavily Gardnerian, really strict and rigid in their methods and what they would allow their members to do in theor own private solitary practices, etc. Basically, people made it sound like this group was a "my-way-is-the-only-right-way" kind of group. That didn't sit well with me, and I hesitated to get involved with them. Until recently.

I've been hanging out with several people who turned out to be members of Red Grail, or who at least went to their open circles regularly. As I got to know these people and found out more about how they think and feel about stuff, I realized that if they were in a group like Red Grail, it couldn't be all that strict or rigid. At least, not nearly as bad as some of the other Pagans I've talked to have made it out to be. I wish I'd gone to their events sooner, but I was kind of apprehensive about going among them. Everything I heard about them made it seem like I would hate the way they operated.

However, now that I know people in the group and have been to a couple of events, I can honestly say I was wrong. They really aren't the kind of people to restrict what their members do to commune with God and/or Goddess. Red Grail is a teaching coven, and they teach the basic framework of Wicca. You can be a student, and if you want you can move up through the degrees until you hit third, when you can hive off and form your own group. Before you make it that far, you're a member of the coven. And as a coven, they do their ritual work and such in a Gardnerian fashion. This is one of the most structured and secretive paths of Wicca, but it's really okay. As long as you learn what you need to learn in order to move up, it's all right.

Now, I am first degree in another coven, StarMoon. My High Priestess is a woman named Janet, who some of you might remember from past entries. She's really nice, and I like her a lot. She lives in Colorado. StarMoon is spread out all over the USA. There was a guy in Australia who was a member for a while. We have a Yahoo Group so we can at least keep in contact, but we never have a chance to get together as a group. There are a few StarMoon members in Lincoln, and one of them did my first degree initiation. I like the people I've met who belong to StarMoon. They're nice folks too.

However, now I have a decision to make. I never thought I'd get to a point in my life where I actually needed to consider leaving StarMoon, but I can't join another coven while I'm still a member of the one I'm in. So, if I wanted to become an actual member of Red Grail, I'd have to drop out of StarMoon. It wouldn't be because of any problems I'd had with the people or anything like that. Just...well...

I have no idea what I had to learn in order to make it to first degree. I don't know why I'm there now. Phil kept asking me when I was going to take first degree, so I gave in and took it, and he did the ritual. I'm mostly a solitary in my own practices, as I have been for most of the nearly eleven years I've been Pagan. I don't work within a system that uses degrees - heck, I'm not even a Wiccan anymore, if you want to get technical. Wicca has so many different paths and traditions, but they all have the same basic skeleton. It all revolves around the observance of the Sabbats and Esbats, reverence and respect for nature and whatever deities you may or may not believe in, ritual and magick, etc. All Wiccan paths have the same framework, it's just how you flesh out that frame that makes one tradition different from another.

However, I don't follow the framework at all. I realized I wasn't Wiccan earlier last year, and when I went to Jason's chaos magick class I finally understood what I had been doing. So now I consider myself a Chaote, and it's good.

I don't know what StarMoon's policies are on Wiccan or non-Wiccan Pagans. I don't know if they're a Wiccan coven, or if they encompass any paths followed by their members. I do know that Red Grail members come from all paths, backgrounds and belief systems. The High Priest - Jason - is a Chaote himself.

I also know that Red Grail is a teaching coven, and its purpose is primarily to allow people to advance to whatever degree they want to achieve and then find their own path from there. I'd like to start my own group someday, and in order to do that and be considered legit one needs to move up through the system to third degree. I'd like to learn whatever it is that leads to that. I'm all about the learning. Red Grail has a system for teaching and learning, they have actual lessons and such, that a person would have to learn in order to move up. StarMoon has its own lessons and system of advancement, but I have no idea what any of the lessons are or how to go about learning them.

I need a setting where there are students and teachers. I think I need a bit of structure if I'm going to move up through the degree system. After I hive off, then I can dispense with the structure. But man, I don't know about this.

I never thought I'd see the day when I was considering leaving StarMoon for another coven. But the Red Grail is here in Unibrow, and StarMoon is all over the place. Red Grail is an established religious organization with a bit of the necessary structure so I'd be able to learn and advance. I think that's a big part of it too - if all of StarMoon was here in town, I probably wouldn't need to even consider a change like this.

I think I've just been feeling like I'm not really getting anywhere in my journey. I think I've been feeling like I've lost my direction. I have, in everyday life. I don't know about my spirituality though.

I've given myself this year to decide what to do in the coven situation. I'm going to have some of my friends do some divination work for me, to see about what the possibilities are and such. I want to get a few different readings done, by different people, so I can see this from different angles. I just don't know.